My Warriors

I have wondered often why I would be given four very strong willed, independent, and stubborn boys. I know nothing about boys. I love basketball but could never tell one position from another. I would rather run barefoot through the snow than sit through a game of college football. I have certainly never suffered the habit of resting my hands down my pants while watching television. And then there is that sweaty boy smell. You know what I'm talking about; the smell of sweat mixed with dirt and graham crackers.

I am a "girlie girl". I have always loved anything that sparkles. I don't mind the upkeep of coloring my hair or having my nails done. A new tube of lip gloss can make my day. A spritz of perfume can rejuvenate me. I would never think of slugging a friend if I am upset with them because we girls talk (and talk and talk and talk) about those sorts of things. I have no problem immersing myself into an elaborate, and dramatic tale of vampires and werewolves (ya, you know what I'm talking about ;)). I am as girlie as it gets.

And yet here I sit with four rough and tumble, sweaty, stinky, (and yet still irresistibly darling) little boys!! Many times I am overwhelmed with their constant excitement. As I finish one room in the house, making sure every corner is spic and span, I find that they have destroyed two more rooms with legos and pillows (of course used to wack each other); sheets spread across chairs in the middle of the room, a formidable fortress to be sure. And then there is the ongoing problem with aim. The complete inability to stand still for a brief moment, and save me the daunting task of bleaching the toilet and all surrounding areas almost daily!

It is when I am drowning in self-pity that I am reminded of a special, actually several special experiences I have had through out the years:
I sat reading my scriptures during my freshman year in college. As I came to the section in Alma where the story of the stripling warriors is told I was overwhelmed with emotion. I read and reread, feeling the spirit touch my heart deeply and yet not fully understanding why this specific story would evoke so much emotion from me. Tears streamed down my face and the pages became a blur. I prayed for greater understanding.

Several years ago Tim brought home poster size paintings of a few Book of Mormon stories. One was of the stripling warriors readying themselves for battle. He pinned the posters to their bedroom walls where they could look at them and be reminded of the stories that accompanied them. One night I gathered my boys around me and began to read to them the story of the stripling warriors,

• "And now I say unto you, my beloved brother Moroni, that never had I seen so great courage, nay, not amongst all the Nephites...For as I had ever called them my sons (for they were all of them very young) even so they said unto me: Father, behold our God is with us, and he will not suffer that we should fall; then let us go forth....Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it...And now it came to pass that when they had surrendered themselves up unto us, behold, I numbered those young men who had fought with me, fearing lest there were many of them slain. But behold, to my great joy, there had not one soul of them fallen to the earth; yea, and they had fought as if with the strength of God; yea, never were men known to have fought with such miraculous strength; and with such mighty power..."

As I read to my little ones I was once again overwhelmed with the spirit. And for the first time I made the connection. I had been given my own stripling warriors. They had been sent to me with great purpose. I was to teach them to not doubt and to have faith that God would always deliver them. I felt excited, grateful and scared all at once, and yet it was so very clear to me that this was my duty, my responsibility to prepare them for the battles that lay ahead. This was the very reason I had felt such emotion before; my soul had remembered. My Heavenly Father had placed great faith in me, and I determined not to let him down.

The other day was a very hectic one, even by my standards. A gallon of milk had been poured on to the kitchen floor, fight after fight had ended in time outs, with a stern warning of "Don't look at each other!! Don't talk to each other!! Don't touch each other!!" Cry after cry, scream after scream, tantrum after tantrum I became ever more distraught and overwhelmed at my inability to be a good mother. I sat on the stairs and dropped my head into my hands and sighed. As I sat wondering how much more I could take my Isaac came up quietly behind me and wrapped his arms around my neck. "I love you mom" he said. In the midst of playing video games and battling with his brothers he had noticed me there. And with all of his eight year old abilities he was trying to sooth me. I pulled him in close to me and said with yet another sigh," I love you too Isaac." And the thought came to mind: Warriors. They are my warriors. The "fight" in them needs to be there and I needn't be so frustrated by it. One day they will fight with great cause. They will fight in their rightful place at our Saviors side. It is my job to teach them compassion, mercy and love, without breaking their inherit warrior spirits. I was reminded that this time is but a season, and it too shall end and then will the next begin. As I felt his arms squeeze a little tighter, I thought, "I must be doing something right!!" My warrior is strong yet tender, mindful of my troubled heart.

I am so grateful to be the mother of four very strong willed, intense boys. I am humbled knowing that my Father in Heaven has entrusted me to be their mother And I hope with all of my heart that some day, even after all of the mistakes that I make, my boys will know of my love for my Heavenly Father, and with courage and strength will grow into the valiant warriors they are meant to be.