Changing My Ways...

As of late I have been contemplating the meaning of happiness and how it pertains to our everyday lives. Is happy being married, financially stable, having children, reading, having food to eat? If "Men are that they might know happiness" then I must eventually define what happiness is to me.

My dear mother has been given the privilege of living next door to an especially strong and courageous woman. This woman is from Rwanda. She escaped in the middle of the night while literally running for her and her granddaughter's life. She had spent hours, days, months in hiding while trying to just stay alive. This woman has expressed awe and wonder at how we American mothers look at our children and teach them how to enunciate words, how we teach them to potty train at 2, and how we groom then flawlessly. Where she comes from those types of behaviors and not permitted simply because they have time merely to survive, and certainly not to thrive. And yet she is happy. Happy to be alive, happy to live in our amazing country. Happy for shelter, and food, and friendship.

So why then do I find my self not happy to have these same blessings in my life? Don't get me wrong; I am appreciate of them. I am grateful for them. And yet sometimes I sit quietly and yearn for more. More of what has been the question on my mind. I have a lovely home that keeps me safe and warm. I have a soft clean bed to lie in while I sleep. I have clothes that not only keep me covered and warm, but are actually current in that latest styles and trends. My cupboards are filled with all sorts of food. Not just rice and beans, but every kind of food imaginable from multiple types of cereal to exotic things like sushi paper. My children are healthy and growing in every way. My husband loves me and likes me. What then could I possibly be missing, especially when compared to this giant of a woman who has endured more than I can ever hope to imagine?

The conclusion I have come to is this: I am not, nor have I ever been, living in true survival mode, where my only goal in life is to live. Literally just survive. Maslow's physical, and safety needs have more than been met. I have been blessed with more than this woman could dream of. I have been blessed with all the necessities and many of the non-necessities of life. And while I can be grateful for that I must want more. "Where much is given much is required" has been a reoccurring thought in my mind. I must want to help my neighbor more. I must want to be a better mother. I must want to be a better friend, and be a better woman. I MUST WANT MORE BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN GIVEN MORE. I must seek to magnify each and every talent/quality I have been unworthily blessed with and I must use it to bless my own life and the lives of others.

Having reached that conclusion I have committed to changing my ways. I am seeking happiness. True happiness. Not that kind that comes from buying a new car or a bigger nicer house. Not the kind that comes and goes. I am seeking my very own personal happiness. The kind that comes from being a litter better and trying a little harder. The kind that comes from holding a sleeping baby and listening in awe to each miracle breath he takes. The kind that comes from setting a goal and reaching it after months of hard grueling work. I will find happiness as my children speak kind words to each other, or as my husband, tired from work offers to do a days worth of dishes for me. I will find happiness daily in all of the small but great things in my life; my child's laughter, meeting a new friend, slobbery kisses from my baby, sweet kisses from my husband, reading a book, a moment of quiet. I am happy. But I will still seek happiness, day in and day out I will seek it.... and I will find it.